i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
