when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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