Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
