Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
