he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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