Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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