Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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