I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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