and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize