that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
