Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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