and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
