Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
