The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
