Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
