shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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