There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize