She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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