my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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