The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
