We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
