i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
