Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
