i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
