she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
