Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
