Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
