The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
