Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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