I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
