I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
