Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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