Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
