The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
