You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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