I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
