I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
