I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
