if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there's paper in my vomit.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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