just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
