I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize