so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
