i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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