my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
