you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
