no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
