so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
