If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
