I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
