Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
