I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
