Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I touched a dick in church today
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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