I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
