Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
two words...techno handjob
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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