the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
