Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
