Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
