I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
