We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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