I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sarcasm needs its own font
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
