I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
