I can text with my tongue
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
