he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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