It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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