You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
