I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize