If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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