Porn is love you can see.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
