Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
