I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
