Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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