i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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