he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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