She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
