I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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