umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
