I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
