My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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