i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
