I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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