I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
