I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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