she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
