Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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