i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
