she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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