so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize