You work out of a Hotel?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
