Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
